being the right kind of wife

I just read an article that Helen Andelin wrote. its about the wife's role in a marriage. there were some parts of this article that made sense to me, but for the most part it made me furious about the way she thought women should be. here are some of my favorite lines from the article, "Fascinating Womanhood":

"To be loved and cherished is woman's highest goal in marriage. This book is written to restore your hope in such a goal-and to suggest principles which you must apply in winning man's genuine love" (I do want to be loved and cherished, i agree with that).

"Not only is love necessary to woman, but if she is to be truly happy in marriage she must be able to have the things that
are dear to her heart. She is a human being with human needs, longings and right" ( i think this is true).

"If man does not love with heart and soul, it is entirely the woman's fault. Man ceases to adore and cherish a woman after marriage, because she ceases to do the things which arouse these feelings" (maybe she ceases to do this because he ceases to be kind to her? i'm not saying that happens with everyone, but i don't think all the blame should be on the woman).

"This book will teach the art of winning a man's complete love and adoration. It isn't necessary for the man to
know or do anything a bout the matter" (what? women are responsible for both hers and his love in the relationship? is the man not responsible for his own feelings?)

"The role of man, we have learned is to lead, protect and provide for woman." (i agree with this, but she takes it to an extreme).

"How Do We Acquire Feminine Dependency?....Eliminating the Man's Work. I refer to any masculine responsibility -such as mowing the lawn., painting, carrying heavy boxes, carpentry, earning a portion of the living, MAKING MAJOR DECISIONS, handling the money problems and WORRIES, making a long distance trip alone., braving the dark., facing the creditors, and repairing the furnace..... Be inefficient in masculine tasks. DELIBERATELY retain some of the lesser masculine duties and do them INEFFICIENTLY to PROVE your dependency. If it is the furnace that needs fixing replace some of the parts backwards or fail to get it running at all. If you paint -miss some parts and if you install a towel rack - FAIL to attach it level. If you must make decisions, be FLUTTERING and INDICISIVE. Don't feel deceitful about doing this. Women are supposed to be INFERIOR in the masculine duties. If you are not it is because you have taken on UNNATURAL capability." emphasis added. (heaven forbid a woman helps in making major decisions. she must act too stupid to do this so that the man can feel smart and superior to her)

"Remember that by nature you are not capable. If you, have any masculine capabilities you have acquired them unnaturally." (i think i'm unnatural since i know how to put oil in the car and am smart enough to be able to figure out how to put a shelf up since i can read the instructions)

"Try to avoid the expressions "Let's do this," or "I think it would be nice if we were to do this," or "Wouldn't it be nice if we could build a bookcase in this end of the living room," or "Don't you think we should enlarge the patio?" If you are really seeking his opinion, this approach is the proper one. But if you are anxious to have your desire granted it is a poor approach for these attitudes cause you to appear on either an EQUAL or a superior position and invite an opposing view." (isn't a marriage between husband and wife about being EQUAL partners).

" If you are selfish, neglectful, of your home and appearance, and will not fix your husband his meals on time and have failed to become fascinating, he will not be inclined to bend himself to fill your just desires." (I don't think a marriage can work when the husband or wife are being selfish or neglectful, but heavan forbid if you house gets a little messy or his meal isn't hot and on the table at exactly 5:30pm!!! if you don't do that while your appearance is perfect then he has no obligation to do anything for you)

Those are my most favorite lines in the article that i read. Don't get me wrong, i'm not a complete feminist crazy lady, but i do believe in there being equality in a marriage. I also believe that men and women have different roles in life too. This article made it seem as though the way for women to be loved is to become stupid and obsolete compared to men.

It also gave me the impression that men are perfect and women are the ones that need to change and submit every part of their lives to their husband. I think that neither men or women are perfect and neither one should be made out to seem as if they are. This article says that things that are dear to a womans heart are important too. yes i agree with that, but what if a woman likes to be able to work thiings out herself? thats one thing that i love to do! i love figuring things out for myself, i feel like i have accomplished something, but according to this article, that makes me unnatural and too masculin.

I feel that if a man wants to feel masculin compared to a woman that has done something with her life, he shouldn't run away from her, but rather he must step up to the plate and match her knowledge and willingness to be somebody in the world. The woman shouldn't have to "dumb herself up," the man should rise to her level.

what are your reactions to these quotes from the article? if you want a copy of the whole thing, just ask for it.

i would have put my remarks in italicize, but i don't know how to do that with blogger. maybe i should ask a man.

(all of the grammer mistakes in the quotes are from mistakes in the article...obviously this woman hadn't relyed on her husband enough for him to correct these mistakes for her)

i hate school

10 reasons why i hate school

1. i have to be away from jarred
2. i have to live in idaho
3. school gets in the way of my college life
4. it costs way too much money
5. only seeing jarred on the occasional weekend
6. some of the lame nit-picky parts of the dress code are of the devil
7. doing homework that is really just busy work
8. being around self-righteous people
9. not being able to see jarred everyday
10. walking to school when it is windy and freezing outside


Okay, so i do like school, but i just hate that jarred and i have to still be in a long distance relationship. I don't know if anyone else has had to do this before, but it is not fun! maybe i am able to get a little more homework done, but i would rather give up homework time if i could live in the same city as jarred.

on another note, jarred and i are looking for a cheap place to live in january. we will only need to live there for a few months since we will temporarily move up to rexburg for me to finish school. does anyone have any ideas?